Comfortable Valentine’s Day, everybody. You recognize, earlier than we get to the monologue, we really intercepted some celeb Valentine’s Day playing cards and we thought we might share them with you. First up: Expensive Valentine, when you actually beloved me, you’d purchase one in all my terrible books, love, Brian Kilmeade; Comfortable Valentine to the most effective brother ever… Love, Ilhan Omar; Comfortable Valentine, I would kiss you if my face might transfer! Love, Nancy Pelosi; Comfortable Valentine Joe… However I am not your sister. Love Jill Biden; and, Comfortable Valentine, bllurghghghgapimp! Love, Joe Biden. All proper. Oh. Thanks. Courtesy chuckle. I really feel like I am at a golf match.
All proper, to the monologue. So on this Valentine’s Day, I am afraid I’ve to interrupt some dangerous information about our president. America, he is simply not that into you, as a result of as Joe continues to neglect this relationship of ours, we’re seeing the outcomes of his horrible presidency. Unchecked unlawful migration, crime working rampant, inflation off the hook, the possibilities of World Warfare III are rising quicker than a stain on Joe’s pants. And but, the information coming from our authorities is a kaleidoscope of catastrophes, which Biden and the media are nonetheless attempting to border as progress. For the previous week, we have been led to imagine it is Biden’s age, that is the problem. However is it actually? There are many outdated dudes doing high quality throughout, like Steve Doocy and Peter Doocy. So it isn’t simply Joe’s age that is the foundation of the nation’s issues. It is neglect of our fundamental programs. Let’s take the border. Hell, all people else does.
HOUSE VOTES TO IMPEACH DHS SECRETARY MAYORKAS OVER BORDER CRISIS
On Tuesday, the Home voted to impeach Alejandro Mayorkas over his dealing with of the migrant disaster, however that is extra overdue than that guide I stole from the library. It is for peak folks. Now it is the primary time they’ve impeached a cupboard secretary since 1876. That was again when Joe was in diapers or quite, again when he began sporting diapers. After all, Joe criticized the vote, saying historical past is not going to look kindly on Home Republicans for his or her blatant act of unconstitutional partisanship. He referred to as it unconstitutional after having an extended dialog with Ruth Bader Ginsburg. She’s useless. Simply so you already know.
Now, the Democrat managed Senate will seemingly dismiss the costs, however the situation is not going away, and neither are 10 million unlawful immigrants. Particularly since Joe Biden’s job progress numbers are seemingly constructed on illegals. In line with the Middle of Immigration Research, all employment progress has gone to immigrants in comparison with 2019. In different phrases, perhaps they’re taking our jobs. No joke. This is the most recent promo for “Fox &Pals.” Wow. They’ve extra tattoos than Ainsley.
And wait to listen to tales like this one out of Boston, the place virtuous souls are taking the migrants into their very own houses and turning them into slave labor. One girl took in a Haitian girl and even boasted that it is like having her personal private chef. Yeah, when Dems say construct again higher guess they imply with indentured servants. I simply hope that does not give any concepts to America’s cotton trade. Yeah, a bit of cotton joke. So, yeah. Migrants, they’re the pets that stroll themselves, however perhaps she’s on to one thing. Possibly I can get my very own private masseuse. You recognize, the one I had earlier than simply left. And fortunately, I am being dominated out as a suspect in his disappearance, thus far. So we hold being informed issues are nice. You recognize, it is like we’re Madonna and we simply requested our assistant how the cosmetic surgery appears, however it’s something however nice.
You need trigger and impact. If the trigger is uncontrolled immigration, here is the consequences: Denver is slashing all metropolis providers to pay for the migrants, together with its police and well being departments., 9-1-1 now requires reservations; New York Metropolis reduce providers throughout the board, together with probably canceling the following 4 police academy lessons, and I really like these films; New York State is spending twice as a lot on providers for every migrant than on homeless vets; Chicago homeless shelters are so overrun migrants have been sleeping in police stations, metropolis busses and airport terminals at O’Hare, they dwell there with no ID or vetting. Yeah, however be sure to do not have a 4 ounce bottle of shampoo; and, in Cali, Newsom prolonged authorities run well being care to all illegals whereas authorized Californians confronted rising waits for medical providers because the state tasks a $68 billion deficit. If that sentence had been any extra backwards, it will learn, scorching is Greg. I do not such as you folks.
And the way have many of those illegals been repaying us? They’ve attacked cops in Occasions Sq., which is yet one more job People already do. They shot at vacationers and cops proper exterior this very studio as we had been leaving. You recognize, thank God my assistant shielded me from the bullets. Nicely, that is one much less job evaluation. Now they run shoplifting, chain snatching and arranged crime gangs, driving mopeds, actually dragging ladies by means of the streets and it was a stolen moped. Which implies there’s now one virgin who cannot get to the library. They began human trafficking rings that model ladies behind their ears.
Immediately, as Trump as soon as mentioned to nice outrage, “they don’t seem to be sending their greatest.” He was proper, as a result of that features a main Venezuelan jail gang. True, Venezuelan President Maduro is a commie thug who hates us, emptied out his prisons and despatched his dangerous guys right here and he isn’t taking them again. Looks as if a solvable downside. Why not put them in sacks marked overseas support and ship them to Ukraine? After all. The New York Occasions lately ran a bit attempting to focus on how Republicans are the issue, proper.
HERE ARE THE 3 HOUSE REPUBLICANS WHO TORPEDOED MAYORKAS’ IMPEACHMENT VOTE
So unlawful immigration is sweet, however it’s nonetheless the fault of evil Republicans that we will not cease it. You recognize, it is humorous, all these idiots telling us to tighten the border now are the identical individuals who informed us there was no border downside simply months in the past. I ponder what modified. Nicely, an election is arising and Joe appears like ****. But additionally, we have discovered as soon as once more that the opening is at all times larger than the sum of its elements.
For instance, a pair of glasses and hair extensions on their very own would don’t have any worth, however put it collectively and you can also make a profession. But additionally an unfettered migrant disaster, plus rising crime, plus a depletion of sources equals America at its breaking level. Hell, even a drunk girl might do the mathematics.
